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i am pierced by a youthful sorrow so powerful that i suddenly stop crying & try to hold still against the pain..i desperately want time to stop, to hold it still with the force of my will, i am suffering my first severe attack, or tesknota - a word that adds to nostalgia the tonalities of sadness & longing..it is a feeling whose shades & degrees i'm destined to know intimately, but at this hovering moment, it comes upon me like a visitation from a whole new geography of emotions, an annunciation of how much an absence can hurt..or a premonition & absence..because at this divide, i'm filled to the brim with that i'm about to lose..

and now..looking ahead..i came across an enormous, cold blankness - a darkening, erasure of the imagination, as if a camera eye has snapped shut..or as if a heavy curtain has been pulled over the future..

so how will i find the strength to face the ages of the world without you by my side..

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